Wednesday, April 19, 2017

False Humility Exposed

Having The Looks and Playing the Part is Always Short-Lived
Read 1 Samuel 9 & 10

I have a deep desire.  A desire that I speak very little about.  It's a God-sized desire to teach women how to study God's word (on their own).  I would love to be able to use the tools and resources that I have been given, to influence those around me.  I don't speak often of this because, quite frankly, it scares me.  

I am scared that if I am given this opportunity I might not be smart enough to do it accurately...  I am scared that others may oppose what I teach...  I am scared to be vulnerable and transparent about what God is doing in my heart and life... And deep, deep down, I am scared that I will find great joy in this and that I might become arrogant along the way.

God is stretching me.  Every time I post a photo to Instagram; I cringe.  Is this too much to put out there?  Who is looking at this?  What will people think if they truly see my heart?  Can God use this?  Will God use this?  The truth of the matter is this:  He is allowing me to be used by Him (right here on my little piece of cyberspace).  He is stretching me & drawing me out of hiding.  He is using the events of my life to show my humanity and utter dependence upon Him.  

I don't want to be like Saul in 1 Samuel 9 & 10.  I don't want to just "look good" on the outside.  I want to "look good" deep down into my bones.  I don't want to just play the part.  I want to live it, day in and day out.  I want to be used by God.  I don't want the fear of false humility to stand in the way of how God wants to use my life.   I want to have true humility.  I want my witness for Jesus to Christ to last beyond my time on this earth.  I don't want it to be short lived.   

Monday, April 17, 2017


Determined-Dependence Upon God Brings Victory
Read 1 Samuel 6, 7, 8

I have been seeing a nutritional counselor for two months.  Her name is Deborah Pitts and it is an amazing story of how God allowed our two worlds to collide.  I am grateful.

I visited with her on Thursday and was able to process some false belief systems that I have been clenching.  Beliefs that I am embarrassed to admit, but that are key to correcting.  The most insightful belief that came out of our visit was this, "I know what is best regarding my food decisions.  I don't think that God wants to help me lose weight.  I will never be able to lose weight.  I think Jesus Christ wants to make me fat forever...  Essentially, I don't trust Him."

Ugh!  Yes, I just said that... I just admitted this to myself and to whomever reads this website... I just admitted a lie that I have been wearily gripping.  A lie that has consumed my life since I was twelve years old.  The truth of the matter is this:  This belief is ridiculous.  Jesus Christ wants the very best for me.  I am His beloved daughter, whom He died for.  He wants me to live in complete freedom.   He wants me to have victory over defeat.

In 1 Samuel 6 - 8 the Israelite's were wishy-washy in their dependence upon God.  One year they were rejecting Him, twenty years later they would return and a few days after that, they would rejected Him yet again.  The Israelite's wanted an earthly king.  They wanted something "tangible" to trust.

I trust God with my food and then, a few weeks later, start devising a better plan.  I stay focused in prayer, pour out my heart before Him, depend on Him for strength and then I start restricting foods - out of fear.   I am like the Israelite's.  I am wishy-washy in my dependence upon God and I am sick of it.  There is no diet or food plan that will give me the victory that I am searching for.  My trust must be in Jesus Christ.  Deborah taught me something very valuable on Thursday, "I am not called to accomplish - I am called to Surrender."  

This world has nothing good to offer me.  It is time to stop letting my emotions and/or false beliefs dictate my dependence upon Christ.  It is time to take this life (as it is, not as I would have it) and live in determined-dependence on God for my victory.

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